The Second Chance

I was a sad person. Most of all, I wanted to die.
I remember going on the bus. I sat on a seat next to a window, and I soon fell asleep.
The next thing I remember, there was this excruciating pain, I think a thousand pieces of glass were stabbing me form all sides.
Then there was just nothing. There was me, without any pain. But there was nothing more. I was dead.
But...
No! How? There is so much I didn't do!
I never told that special one how I feel, even if there was never a "right time".
I didn't say I'm sorry to the one I hurt.
I've never heard my favorite band  perform.
I didn't tell all my friends how much they really mean to me, I just pretended I didn't care, when, actually, I don't know how I would manage without them.
I didn't find out all the things I wanted to learn, nor did I master all the skills I wished for.
I didn't finish the drawing that has been laying under my bed for weeks.
I didn't help out the ones most dear to me.
I didn't get rid of my fears and doubts.
I didn't repay the ones I owe, nor did I thank the ones who wanted nothing for the help they gave.
I have so much thoughts I want to share with the world! Please let me go back!
I wish to go...

 - Go where?

Go LIVE. All I ask, is for another chance to live.

Cicmila

Forgive or forget?

The forever question: To forgive, or to forget?
When bad things happen, when we get hurt, when we are cold and we cry, when we fail, when we just can't get up...
When bad things happen, we ask ourselves a question: Should we forgive? Or forget?
To FORGET means to choose not to learn form our mistakes, not to look facts in the eye and to ignore what your mind tells you. It is to bury the truth under a mask, a pile of lies, so that when you talk of it, you can speak with ease, but still hurt inside, forever. To forget is to protect others, but damage yourself.

To FORGIVE means to face the truth, to get hurt, to learn from it, to respectfully disagree, to say what you mean and to let go. To forgive is to clear your past so that you may look back on it with pride. To forgive is to do right by yourself and by others, going forward with a clear continence.

Every moment of our lives we make the choice. The only difference in that choice is whether or not we will be free in our future, or will we carry the burden of an unclear ending.

Make the right choice by mind, and by heart.
Close your eyes, and say silently: I forgive.

Cicmila

The Controversial Keys, part 2

Part 1(read, if you haven't, because the story continues): http://storytimewithcicmila.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-controversial-keys-part-1.html

...

I wasn't allowed to touch the piano until I was in highschool, and even then it was not a simple procedure. Well, that was my first encounter with the piano that I wasn't afraid to play the notes. My music teacher must have noticed my love for music, because she would always stay a bit longer after class to teach me.

It wasn't much, and in the period of four years I did not learn more than a few songs, but every time I would play them, something new would wake inside of me.

So the moment has come for me to choose where I wish to continue my studies. I, of course, knew what I wanted, but I knew uncle would never approve. I've already made peace with the fact that my parents won't be coming back from the trip, so I didn't want uncle to be against me, not in any way.

Thinking back on it, at that point my uncle's opinion mattered more than anything to me. He's the one who had always taken care of me, the one I had grown up with.

I didn't have many friends growing up, I was more of a lone wolf, always lost in my thoughts, thinking of what kind of adventures my parents were going thorough. They were in the jungle, climbing mountaintops or swimming though the Nile.

I apologize, I've wandered off...

Even if I didn't have any friends, I was never lonely. I didn't miss friends, but I didn't push them away if they would approach me.

So, friends weren't tying me to any place, and I was of legal age to take care of myself, so the idea I got one day after school seemed as good as it gets.

I was to move back to my hometown and since the apartment I once lived in was long sold, I would try to get a scholarship in a music academy, to live and learn there.

It happened just the way I imagined it, but it wasn't until years later that I found out that my music teacher who had written the letter of recommendation was a former headmaster of the academy. So,I guess I didn't know that well back then about music.

Nevertheless, I was there for two years before I realized how good I actually am. That was when I was moved to a class that was a whole year ahead. That's when I met him.

Cicmila

The Controversial Keys, part 1

I remember being just a little girl when I first laid hands on the keys. It was in a museum of some sort, I remember it got my mum and dad in a lot of trouble. The surface was so smooth, they were calling me to press them. But I did not dare.

I think it was not by chance that my parents went away on the trip just the next day. I was left with my uncle who lived in a faraway city. He had a big house, so big I thought no matter how long I walk I will never see all of it. But, that was just because I was small.

Few months after that, I was on my way to explore the third floor. Being small, my head was always facing up, so the moment I got up there I saw the strangest thing: a door on the ceiling.
Living in a crowded building, I've never had an attic, so this was completely new to me.

To fast forward, I had to wait a couple of days to see my uncle going up there, and then another few to get the opportunity to go up there myself. It was dark, and I was a bit scared, but I took a flashlight with me, and the fear was overcome my amazement.

Boxes and bags, closets, tables, drawers, dolls, lamps, old bicycles, clothes, albums, a sailor rope and s much more, just from one look. A window thorough witch I could not see the street, but the sky draw my attention. I ran towards it and looked up, although it was too dark to see anything.

In the corner, a big object covered with a dark cloth. I approached it and grabbed one end, pulling it aside. It fell right off, revealing a sight I didn't think I'll ever see again.
The lid was lifted and the black and white keys were there, naked to my eye. I was hovering above them, so eager to touch.

Oh, the sound it made...

Cicmila

Dreams, fear, getting up...

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you can't win? You do your best, but even so you fail?

Sometimes situations like that make you feel worthless and you want to quit. Well...

If a soldier would give up every time he lost one of his own, then the battle would be lost.

If a mother of three would give up after loosing one of her children, what would happen to the others?

Imagine never investigating anything, just because last time you found something you'd rather not see.

Think of trying to grab a man's hand, but he still slips and falls, would you never reach out to help anyone again?

Falling off a bike while learning, then never getting back on it, because of fear.

Quit playing, just because you lost one game.

Stop dancing, because you missed a single step.

Don't give up. 100% people who never tried, didn't succeed. Have courage, have hope. Try again and be grateful for every time you fall, because you just got another chance to get up.

Go back in to the fight, because there are those who need you. You're a part of a team, how ever small or big, and make sure you always do your best, because there's no point in living if you're just sliding through life on the easy side. Don't be afraid of going in two vs. one, because someone will always show up to back you up. Trust people you're with. They are there for you.

You CAN reach your goals, just try hard enough. Don't let them be forgotten in the sky, take them into your own hands.

Don't give up.

Cicmila

Grey

It's dark and grey. The whole world, washed out of color. The people, washed out of emotions.

A grey girl with a grey scarf walks past a grey boy, with a grey cap.

A man sits on a grey bench, next to a grey stone.

A grey sky, with a grey sun. Grey birds, silent. The grey world, lost.

A grey girl in a grey room, with a grey notebook opened before her. A grey pen in her hand. A grey bow on her head. She wishes to write, but the past four notebooks she could fill with only one thing: emptiness. She dreams of something more, but there's nothing more to dream of. 

Or... What if there is?

She ran to her bedside table and opened one of the drawers. Inside, a grey candle in a jar. She took it out, putting it on the table near the window. She lit the candle, shining out bright, grey light. She took her grey pen and started writing.
Her hand was flying over the papers in all directions, writing out words she didn't know the meaning of. Then she took the papers, folded them, and put them in the candle jar.
It burned, oh how it burned! In colors of red and orange, yellow and pink! Oh how it burned!
Then the wind blew from the window, swirling around the room, getting in the jar and out, carrying the ash with it.
It flew.
The girl opened her eyes, and lost her breath. Her rosy skin, green eyes and pink cheeks were looking back at her from the reflection in the window.
Hope. Happiness.

It flew.
The old man spotted a red rose and picked it up, placing it next to the silver stone. "Goodbye, my love. I will see you soon", he says.
Freedom. Trust. Loyalty. Strength.

It flew.
A girl ran to catch the red scarf that got carried away by the wind. It lands before the feet of a boy with a yellow cap. He picks it up for her. "Is it yours?", he asks. "Yes. Yes, it is. Thank you.", the girl replies. "Please, it was my pleasure. My name is...."
Beauty. Confidence. Love.

It flew.
The sun shining with unimaginable colors, the blue sky and colorful birds singing all around them. The once grey world, now colored. The people once washed out, reborn, full of life, happy.
Color. Emotion. Music. Nature.

It flew.
What did it fly over to you?

Cicmila

Save Tonight

It's so simple really, when you think of it.

Out here, on the edge of the world, on a cliff that leads to the leap of faith. So simple, yet so underestimated. I always wanted to know more. What's on the other side? Where do time and space take us?

Full of those questions, so global so big, but in my little universe so insignificant.
In my little universe, other things matter. How do I feel right now? Will I see tomorrow? Why am I alone? It's so calm and peaceful, so soothing I never want to leave, but what awaits beyond the leap is a world I feel I am pulled to. Is it really that simple? Do you just jump and you'll be there? In the other world? If it's so easy, why am I scared?

So I sit for a while longer. I sit and hope for something to happen, though I'm not sure what. Tonight is just a single moment in time, so irrelevant. Tomorrow, there will be another tonight, and the day after, and the day after that. So simple, so, so simple.

Why is tonight so important then? Why do I feel this strange force running through me? Tonight is the night of the leap, but if tomorrow will be another tonight, could I postpone this? There is something special about tonight. I don't know yet. But tonight is almost over, and I am still sitting on the cliff, waiting. Waiting for what?

Then a hand lays down on my shoulder. I turn around, scared. But what I see...
Is me.
I take my own hand and help myself get up. "Come on.", I say, "We can do this another night. But not tonight. Let's save tonight."

I smile. I take myself by the hand and walk away from the cliff.
It was simple, oh so simple. And I found what was missing. I was waiting for someone to come and save me, not realizing that's not what I need. Not realizing all I needed was...
Me.

The most reliable person for you is you. Trust yourself.

Cicmila