Letter #7 "Dear Younger Me"

Dear younger me,

If ever in the future they invent a time machine, I'll make damn sure you get this. Because you need to hear this.

You won't ever change, yet you will end up a completely different person than who you were. You'll change in only one way, and it's the most important thing that will ever happen to you.
You'll stop being scared. Of who you are, of who you want to be, of how you want to look, of who you want to love. And it feels beautiful. And I wish you could do it sooner.

You'll always be loud. You'll always draw attention to yourself. You'll learn in time that is not a bad thing. No point in hiding it. In a few years, you'll be begging your older self to never stop being loud.
They will try to shut you up. They'll tell you nobody likes a loud girl. Nobody likes a girl who always has to say her opinion. Fuck those people.
I know you look at the little shy girls who get all the boys. You wish you could be more like them. you don't understand why being loud and noticed is a bad thing.
You never will.
You'll try to disappear. You'll wish you're invisible. That was never who you were.
Be loud. Be strong. Say what you mean without fear or guilt.

It's okay to love yourself. Even if you feel like nobody else does. Nobody else matters. It was always only you.

You got boobs before anyone else in class. You hated them. You tried to hide it. You never realized that all the looks you got weren't judgment and hate. They were jealousy. It'll continue for a few years, then you'll all grow up.

It's okay to like girls.

You think you don't have a choice in who you "date", so you'll be with anyone who approaches you. Have more self-respect. You'll find people who love you and who you will love back. You won't be with them forever, and that sucks. But you'll have beautiful times. Just wait for a bit, they're on their way.

I won't spoil it for you, but amazing things are coming, and a few shitstorms as well.
When you're sad, remember you're not alone.
When you miss someone (and you'll do that a lot), remember you'll see them again. Even if they're really far away right now.
Take a lot of pictures and look at them often. Spend at least as much time making wonderful memories as you do thinking about them.

Don't stop dancing, you'll miss it too much.

I'm proud of you for not having to tell you that your body is your own and that you have the right to say "no". You always knew that.

You'll often wish you were somewhere else with people who understand you a million times better than anyone you grew up with. You still wish that. More and more so every time you see them, and have to say goodbye.

You were strong-headed from the moment you were born. It's okay to ask for help. You can't do everything alone, and you don't want to be alone. Just admit it to yourself and spend time with people who appreciate you.

For anyone who tells you to never change, teach them change is good. Cut the strings tying you to people who are toxic and who don't make you be a better you.

You'll make it. Through it all. You'll make it, I promise. Just never stop being you. That's the important part. You're awesome and don't let anyone tell you you're dreaming too big or being too ambitious. You'll wow them all.

Love,
Your slightly older self

P.S. Skirts fit you better than pants, and you're allowed to wear them.
P.P.S. Spend more time with your brothers. They'll move out soon.

Letter #5 "Dear Rain"

Dear rain,

There are so many things I could say. We've been friends since the earliest days, and my god, have I grown fond of you! You seem so perfect, the way you set the mood. Sometimes I think you are all a day is missing. You see the world in such a special way, and I am forever grateful to you for trying to show me that. You, of course, washed away all my fears, I feel safer with you around at night. You go perfect with tea and piano. With warm hugs, or blankets. Or both.
On my first ever concert, you made the piano keys so slippery I made countless mistakes. I don't resent it, you made it special.
When I didn't know what to do you would always unite me with someone under an umbrella. I would escape that, of course: it's so unfair that you have traveled so far, just to be denied touching my skin.
Dearest rain, I love you. You make every moment that more special, and you make decisions that much easier to live with.
But rain, you made mistakes. I will never forget what you did may, 2014. You took so many lives, how could you?! I can't forgive you for that. I won't.
Oh, rain, you seem to follow me everywhere I go, so I've made peace with you and let you in once again. Thank you, rain, for everything. You mean so much to me, you will never know. If I ever have a daughter, that's what I will name her, Rain.
Come on, rain, let's hold hands and walk down the path to a new year once again. I will be waiting for you on the other side of winter.
See you soon, dear friend.

Yours always,